or why I have stopped being friends with people I don't like.
(warning, I use a few four letter words in this, but not the really bad ones. It also has a lot of CAPS, which you should read as my loud-yelly-upset talking that I do when I am ranting. If you haven't heard me do this, it is your loss. This would probably just be rated PG-13, maybe even PG in todays world. I am too lazy to look up the rating system, sorry)
Here is the thing about me.
I am a real person - someone who can't hide her feelings very well or be polite just to save face. This has gotten me into trouble more times than I can count in my life.
Things I have done that embarrass everyone around me:
- Telling off people in line
- Telling off people on Facebook
- Telling off people in Church Hallways
- Telling off people on my blog
- Telling off people at parties
- Telling off people on the phone, in public places
- Telling off people who are inept at their jobs
So, as you can see, a lot of this embarrassment has stemmed from me telling people off. I have this issue where I literally CAN NOT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT when I see an injustice in front of me. I just HAVE to say something. If I don't, I explode. Sometimes, its just a "Dude, lay off", but others it is a full on lecture on how obviously, whatever controls basic human decency inside our brains is totally broken in theirs. And how they need to get some help. And how they need to slow their roll and back up off (yes, I say those things. yes, I am white. WHATEVER). And then I end by glaring at them with the eye of death until they apologize and/or do the right thing. Or if they don't, I ask to speak with their mother/manager/supervisor.
I have tried to keep it all in. Really, I have. Even tonight, when at Wal-mart at 11pm picking up things for my huge wedding cake this weekend, I didn't tell off the checker who was standing 5 feet away from the stand, talking about a personal issue with another employee, with me and another person in line, making us wait 5 minutes before she said she would finish the story later. 5 minutes is nothing, right? As you can tell, it still bugs me. And will for a week. What this USUALLY results in is my stewing and stewing and exploding all over my husband instead of the person who deserves it. And he ends up staying up till 1AM listening to me rant and rave. But I am trying. And I am getting better, slowly, at not telling people off. Baby steps. Sometimes (okay, its a lot) I still do it. But at least now I am conscious of it and actually weigh the benefits of telling them off vs. keeping my mouth shut.
Anyways, so, with me trying to not freak out so much, I have been putting off and putting off writing emails or calling people who used to be my friends to tell them they suck and I don't want to be their friends anymore. But what this has resulted in is something rather glorious: I am no longer their friend, without telling them off! WHAT IS THIS?!?! I don't have to freak out in order to break up with a friend? Since we live far apart, I can call it "growing apart" instead of "they suck and I hope they get a cold-sore"? This is AWESOME. And yet, less satisfying than a sharply worded email that says all the things I hate about their behavior and how it morally reprehensible to me.
So I am left in this place, this place of not being their friend, and yet not telling them I am not their friend. I mean, they have to get the point, right? I used to talk to them all the time, and now I don't. If you are reading this blog and I haven't talked to you in a long time, this is likely about you. Try to give me a phone call and see if I pick up. If I don't (or don't call or text you back), yepp, this about you. (also, leave a message b/c I am using my phone from 2005 and it kindof sucks) Welcome to the world of not being my friend. I'm sure you will find it dark, and lonely, and awful. But you really only have yourself to blame.
I just am done with being friends with people who suck. With people who don't know how to be a good friend or have good manners or get over their damn egos and apologize when they full well know they need to. Or ones who PRETEND LIKE THEY DID NOTHING WRONG AND STILL ACT LIKE WE ARE FRIENDS. We aren't friends. Nope. Not even a little. We used to be friends, then you sucked a whole lot, and now we aren't friends anymore.
There have been situations lately in my life where I have been like: Literally WHAT can I apologize for in this situation to make it right? HOW do I make myself the bad guy here? I am usually really good at this, so for me to be drawing a blank results in one conclusion: It isn't me that sucks, here. It is them. And really, when that is the case, and I have asked David and he has confirmed that there is nothing further I can do (he is the best at telling me when I am being cray and when I am being rational), then guess what? I am done now. I am D.O.N.E.
Do you hear me, people in my life? Stop sucking!!!!!!! I WILL CUT YOU OUT LIKE A BAD SPOT IN A PEACH!!! AND I WILL STILL ENJOY THE REST OF THAT FREAKING PEACH (ie, my life) WITH THE SAME VIGOR AND ZEST AS IF YOU WERE THERE, WHOLE AND NOT SUCKING. BUT WITHOUT YOU!! YOU WILL BE IN THE TRASHCAN OF MY LIFE!!!
Yes, this is dramatic, but it has to be said. It just has to be. Because people have to know something: I am a DAMN good friend and you are better off with me in your life. But I refuse to be walked all over and I refuse to waste my time on a friend who I don't even like. Screw that mess. I will waste my time on better things, like Pinterest or British Teen movies on YouTube.
You read it here, first.
In other news, I have many good and wonderful people in my life who don't suck. They are real peaches, (not the spots that I WILL CUT OUT) and I am eternally grateful that they not only love me for who I am, but encourage my ranting and pat my arm until I get all my word vomit out. SHOUTOUT.