Friday, May 22, 2009

24 minutes

I am sitting at work again, working the front desk shift.
"I can bring a guest"
I like this shift. Its pretty boring because its all lap swimmers and water aerobics, but there is time to think. Time to get lost in each person's stroke and think about deep things, like what I need to go grocery shopping for, and when I am going to bake the winning pie for the bake off at the ward barebeque tonight. Speaking of BBQ, my mom sent me Dr. Pepper BBQ sauce. See? Deep things.
There was a pregnant woman who came to the pool. She got there at about 5:20. She is probably 7 months pregnant. It makes me wonder, does a mother want to be floating around so that she can feel like here baby does? Probably not her, because she is the 3rd fastest person in a pool that includes a junior Olympian and his coach. But I feel like she is more hardcore for having a freaking baby rather than swimming fast.
19 minutes.
I didn't have a very good day yesterday. I was just off. Things didn't line up. Sometimes this happens, but yesterday, for the first time, I made a conscious effort to realize that I wasn't mad at a person, but at the situation of the day. I did this, and still was mad at the person, and knew it was a real anger, so I let it out and let it go. They didn't let it go, but now they know. I think knowing is half the battle. We should never go thru life having unspoken words, and now, they know that I do not. They know I am a truthful real person. Genuine in the way I act and feel. So, maybe I made things feel awkward. Maybe I was a little harsh. But now they know, and I won't lay awake at night thinking that I never got that out.
17 minutes.
There is a boy in a pink polo shirt, collar popped, who just walked in. Provo high is right next door, so this may explain the situation, however, I want to ask him who he is. What boy would want to wear a popped collar polo shirt of his own free will, with no social pressure? Dude, I wouldn't even want to wear one, and I'm a girl. Its a pretty jarring color of pink. Maybe this kid is the culprit who is clogging the toilet, altho he doesn't seem the type. But who is to say what type is the type who wants to do something destructive? He gets up and gets a drink. Makes eye contact. Thats rare. People usually don't make eye contact. I wonder if he is judging my rolled outta bed head, or my husbands shirt and shorts that I am currently wearing. Oh well if he is.
12 mins.
Sometimes I have dreams, and sometimes I can actually find meaning in those dreams. Most of the time, they are just odd and make no sense. Last night, I got an email with a poem in it. A poem that said everything I wanted to hear. It made me cry, and I woke up with wet cheeks. I snuggle up to David, but in that moment, I felt so alone, because I realized the dream wasn't real. But what if it was? I got up, turned on the laptop, and checked my email just in case. There was no email. There was no inner peace found in the screen of the computer. I went back to bed and layed there a while, thinking about what I would have done if I had gotten that email. I wish that dreams really did come true.
7 minutes.
I can't wait to go back to bed this morning. I am so tired. I woke up every hour thinking it was 4:30, and time for me to get up to come to work. The crying came inbetween two hours. I hate not getting a full good night's sleep. I hate not being able to finish what I start.
3 minutes.
I am going to go now. I am going to do other things. I am going to guard lives. I am going to go make some money. I am going to go do something, even if it seems pointless, because at least I'm not doing nothing.

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