Thursday, April 15, 2010


This is me and my Grandma when we had our reception here in Texas about a year and a half ago.

I know I don't talk about this too much, but I thought I should now.
I am the day time caregiver for my Grandma.
She is 92 years old.
She has alzhimers and needs assitance in all activites of daily living (eating, bathroom, etc).

Today, when I got her out of bed, it was apparent she wasn't doing very well, and it quickly got worse.
I called the hospice nurse and she came right over, and let me know that she is nearing the end now.
The nurse said she'd be suprised if she makes it thru the night tonight.
It wouldn't really suprise me if she made it another week, becasue, well, she's my Grandma and she never does what you think she will. She has her own timeline.

We all knew this was coming.
It makes it easier that we had time to say goodbye.
But its still a little bit hard thinking of my Grandma not being here anymore.

When I was young, my Mom went back to school and got her Masters and her PhD.
I would hang out with my Grandma at night, making cabbage or cake or soup.
And we would watch Wheel of Fortune.
My Grandma was one of my best friends.
She had this back massager that was super hardcore (think like a 5 horsepower motor or something. Seriously. It was a hoss), and I would give her back massages all the time.
She always let me eat as much icecream as I wanted.
She made me promise that we would never put her in a Nursing home.
Well, Grandma, you got your wish.
You are at home, as comfortable as we can make you.
I have been here the past 3 months trying to help you as best as I can.

I wish that I could have been here when she still knew who I was and what was going on.
I feel like I have already lost my Grandma, and now it is a tender mercy for her to not have to be in this confusing and terrifying world that has been her life the past little while while her mind has been stolen by this disease.
I know that she is going to be in no more pain, physical and mental and emotional, and that she will be going to a better place.
It doesn't mean I'm not a little bit sad about it.

I love you, Grandma.
You have fought a good fight.


Brittan said...

I felt much the same when my grandma Maree died. We lost her in 1999, after her husband of nearly 60 years died, so when she actually passed away in 2003 it was really time for her to go and not be in pain anymore. We were all happy for her... and sang "Zippity Do Da" at her funeral because she made us promise that we would! Your grandma sounds like an amazing woman and my thoughts are with you.

Kelsey and Porter said...

Oh Sab,
I've been thinking of doing a Wilma post myself. Bless your heart. Wilma taught me so much about compassion. I'm so happy that it was you taking care of her in her final days, she may not know it yet but she will soon... and she'll be so grateful.