Tuesday, February 25, 2014

And he doesn't look a day over 26!

So some husband of mine just had a birthday last week! We were cruisin on the Atlantic, so I didn't get a chance to write some sappy blog post, so here is a short one:

He is the best. AND ALL MINE.

Here is a longer one:

Guys, the most important thing to me in a husband, from the time I was very young, was that he was a hard worker. The reasons for this are many, but mostly because 1) I knew that a good marriage was hard work and I wanted someone who could be a partner in marriage with me, not just a bystander and 2) I am materialistic about clothes and furniture and love to travel, and having a husband who made decent money was important to me. I know I will get flack for saying that, but I was never down with being poor, even for love! You can choose who you choose to date, and if you date people who are okay with being in poverty, then you risk marrying that! I never dated anyone who I couldn't see building a future with, and that included having a nice home, traveling, and staying at home with my kids when they were little. Now, making out with people was a different story, but that is for a post that isn't about my husband.

ANYWAYS, I always knew that David would work hard, I could see it from some of the choices he had made in his life to that point, but I figured that he would just be a generally decent worker. Like, he would work hard, but I never knew just HOW HARD he was capable of working! This past year of his life, he has certainly shown me exactly what he is made of. He started his actual career this year! He is a nurse! And while yes, he only works 3 days a week at his main Methodist job, he usually works more like 5 days a week between overtime and Scottish Rite and other things. And he had to switch between days and nights for those jobs, which makes it even worse. Last summer he worked every day for over 40 days. Every. Day. Not a single day off. For over a month. He was also the Elders Quorum President for our high-needs ward, and a husband to a high-needs wife. In addition to doing laundry, cleaning up after dinner, and not strangling me for being a lazy git, he also has been going to school to get his Bachelor's degree! He will be done this year (as long as dates all line up like we think they will) and I am so proud that even though it has taken him far longer to get a BS degree than we ever ever imagined when we got engaged and had our life planned out, it was absolutely the best thing we could have done and decided for our future. I look at my 5 year plans from 7 years ago and giggle, because we are no where near where I thought we would be, and yet we are so much better off.

God has plans, and we always end up where we are supposed to be.

If you had told me that I would be going on year 4 of living with my parents, that I wouldn't have a degree or a normal 9-5 job, that I would have a puppy and no kids at the age of 26 I would have probably laughed at you. But oh, how glad I am that all of these things are true. And they are true because of David.

What other man would not only live with his inlaws for 4 years, but love them and befriend them, and see them some weeks more than his wife? What other man would be okay with his wife taking her sweet time with finishing her degree when she is SO CLOSE because he understands her utter hatred of being graded on things she will never use in her real life? What other man would let his wife try out a million different career paths and odd jobs and let her try to make a living off of these things while he works at an incredibly demanding and stressful job? What man would understand his wife's need for travel over children at this point in her life? What other man would actually put up with me and give me this awesome life I now have?

No one, that's who. Which is why I am making David stay with me forever.

We have heard time and time again from friends, coworkers, random people we just met, etc that we are SO LUCKY to be able to travel as much as we do, to have me "not work", have tickets to events, etc but it turns out we have CHOSEN this life and MADE IT HAPPEN. Luck had nothing to do with the lifestyle we live now. We don't have car payments, we don't have fancy cars and as a result we have really cheap car insurance. We live someplace we love and is huge, but someplace where our rent is extremely affordable. I don't get to buy the furniture I want or make all the stylistic choices I would in my own home, but we also didn't have to pay for furnishings and other things we would have to if we bought a house. We have random members of my family in our house at random times or when we have friends over, but we also have someone to watch Albus while we travel. We have nice phones, but the cheapest phone plans possible. Yeah, we bought a nice big TV, but we used a $25 TV from DI for 5 years first. The nice computer we bought last year? Yeah, also our first computer purchase of our marriage. We used a broken laptop for years before that. We don't go out a ton (we do go out a bit, of course, while we are in between trips) and when we do, it is mostly to dinner and we come home and watch a movie instead of paying $20 or more to go see it in a theater. We don't have credit card debt. We save for big purchases. We eat good food from good sources, yes, but I am careful about what I buy and how much and always conscious of our food budget. We do not buy a lot of clothes, or shoes, and I have 1 pair of jeans that fit. We cultivate friendships, we network, and we put ourselves out there when it comes to having a place to stay when we travel to cool places, making it affordable and actually more fun (the locals always know the best places to go!) when we travel. The biggest reason we can do what we do is because we have chosen it. We have prioritized having this part of our life right now by weighing the pros and cons, and having our relationship being constantly strengthened by new experiences and grown by days and days of undisturbed time with each other filled with new places and foods come out on top of everything else.

We got to this point in our lives by hard work. I think that the fact that we got married probably had more luck to do with it than anything, but we could have gotten divorced at many points in the last 5 1/2 years, but we worked, HARD, to make our marriage good and strong and full of fun and love and happiness. We have both learned how to serve one another, we have both learned how to shut up when the other has had enough, and we have both learned how to care for one another in the ways that count. And we needed that. I needed that. I have needed 5 1/2 years of David's constant love and support to help me grow to be a person who can maybe, someday, have a baby to love and raise with him. I have needed 5 1/2 years of marriage with him to be able to trust in another person so explicitly that I would be okay with the idea of raising said baby with him and him not leaving me one day. I have needed 5 1/2 years of his constant attention, love and devotion to prove to me that I am what he wants. I know that I am great, but I needed this time to prove that I am great for HIM. Which I think I am, at this point.

I hate that I feel like I have to make excuses or explanations for our life, but we have heard "When will you have kids" a million times in the past 5 1/2 years, and the past year has actually been a million times worse. David has a real job and we don't have any more "excuses" But guess what? I am not going to apologize for my life choices, or the fact that David is right there with me in them. Because this is OUR life. And its awesome. And when we have kids, we will be ready. And when we are parents we will be united by our years of togetherness. And if it turns out we don't have kids, we will fully understand just how full and wonderful our life is with each other, and while I'm sure there will be a mourning period if that were to happen, how glad I am that I have the experience to know that David and I will be okay.

And guess what? Whatever happens, it will be really really really hard work. And I have the best partner by my side to do it all.

David is the most giving, caring person I have ever met. He constantly put others needs above his own. He will let me go comfort a friend on his day off instead of spending the one night he has off with me. He always asks me for my opinion on everything, from his work schedule, to him going out with friends, to everything in between, and truly listens and factors in what I have to say in the matter to his decisions. He doesn't get angry or bitter towards me when I disagree with him, and if I ask him to do something other than what he had planned, he is on board and doesn't harbor resentment that his plans got changed. He is my exactly opposite in that he thinks the best of people, and he doesn't let me go too far down the rabbit hole in talking about how much I hate everyone. He is gentle in his rebukes, he is loving in his criticism, and he is honest in his compliments. He helps me be a good person. And he stands up for me even when I'm being a bad one. I can say without a doubt he is going to be the best Father on the whole planet, when the time comes. And I know that he is a great nurse, a wonderful husband, and a fantastic student.

I just can't say enough good things about this guy who I married. And I will keep saying it every year for his birthday, because then at least one day a year he gets to hear what I don't say enough. I love him, I don't deserve him, and I am never letting him go.

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